body uncertain.

 

Shockwave singularity

Everyone I’ve ever been, I am again all at once

Anyone I’ll ever be, I am become all at once

All life in an instant 

In the moment between my eyelid descending in a blink 

And the shutters of my lashes rising again

All in between 

Breath in

Sigh out 

I see every take on my face that’s ever looked back at me

And all of those the mirror’s still to show

I feel the press of every body I’ve let entwine with mine

And the touch of all those I’m yet to meet

I hear every word I’ve ever spoken or will

And burn with all those I didn’t or won’t 

Every once and future joy

Every past and will be cringe 

All at once

All at once

All of me in my shame and glory 

And in this multiplicity

I realise the deception of the concept of self

The lie that I am one 

​

Or that we are many

In this moment I am all women

Every woman who’s ever been, all at once

I am 

Every woman who will ever be, all at once

I am 

I am pregnant in a cave shaping a self portrait in clay

I am travelling into space while Soviet anthems play

I am surrounded by the sounds of sweat shop sewing machines

And I am hand making pads for me and my daughter in East Berlin

I am putting on lipstick to face New York City  

I’m making desperate phone calls trying to find an interstate clinic, whispering so my parents won’t overhear me

I’m watching the sea for a sail

And I’m watching the stars for a sign  

And I’m watching a client’s tail-lights recede into the night

I am an Amazon with my right breast bare to the sky and the spattering blood of my foes

I’m learning about Sappho while my husband’s at work 

I’m on the deck of a convict ship giving birth 

I am crying in a Canberra toilet cubicle

And god it hurts, so much of it hurts

​

All at once 

All at once 

All at once 

​

I’m weaving carpets and I’m bored of it

I’m harvesting millet and I’m bored of it

I’m watching children and I’m bored of it

I’m ironing shirts  and I’m bored of it 

I’m dusting the temple and I’m bored of it

I am churning butter and I’m bored of it

I am being courted by periwigged wankers and I’m bored of it

I am being ignored in meetings and I’m bored of it

I’m hearing slurs on the street and I’m so damn bored of it

And I am burning a bra

And I am throwing a brick 

And I am on hunger strike  

And I am in a march in a dome city on Mars

With a sign that says “I can’t believe we still need to protest this shit”

​

All this in an instant

Between my eye descending in a blink

And the shutters of my lashes rising again

And I don’t even know 

Which one is me 

Stuck in this singularity 

​

Everything that ever was, all at once

All the things that shall be, all at once

Take air in

Push air out

With every pair of lungs that ever sighed

Or screamed their frustration to the sky.

​